The hawtest bad boy in the history of television just turned 22 June 27th!...
Ok, so not exactly Chuck Bass (whose fictional birthday is May 19,1991) but for the sake of my craziness and the safety of all involved...lets just pretend.
The hottest.person.in.the.history.of.life. celebrated his shin-dig by bowling (omg.presh) with friends and his vomitgirlfriendvomit Jessica Szohr.Crazy what a year can do to one’s carreer..last year, I totally staked down Ed’s 21st private b-day photos on his and his friends’ myspace profiles... this year? not so much. but mostly cause I have myspace now blocked at work. pretty sure for these exact reasons...
Anyway...Ed and Jessica...Here they are together. I hate her so much cause she's super hot but her hair looks really bad here. heee!:
And look. they're wearing sorta matchy shoes.
And aside from Chuck Bass, who looks perfect always and forever and he can wear a garbage bag as an outfit and I would still drool and give him a gold star (like a for real one, I’d grab from the sky), girlfriend’s clothes could use some… pizzazz, non?
Dear Jessica Szohr, please let me be your stylist. Vanessa has more style than that..and she’s like poor or something, for goodness’ sakes! I am the best, just ask all my ladies..they come shopping in my closet frequently and let me style them and always look top notch! And then we’d become besties and one drunken unsuspecting night, when you’d be away on some indie film shoot, I’d totally seduce the Chuckster and proceed to have his babies…I mean..what?!...
Anywhoooo…moving on, it’s a shame that Chuck Bass never did make it to the MMVA’s last weekend. After all that hard work of scoping out the perfect MO spots in secret doorways and janitor closet at all the after-parties, it was a tad bit disappointing that he was a no-show.
Ah sh*t gotta go…my parole officer’s completely unto me and calling. It must be the monitor bracelet that detects crazy talk…
Happy Belated my sweet, sweet Chuck Bass!
So 75% of the TigerBeat Socialites will be MIA for the next few days as we head to Chicago for a little vaca. That's 3/4, for those mathematically challenged folks. And our 4th lovely lady will (likely) be packing up for her big move to London, England (tear, tear). We'll be back next week with our usual brand of craziness and gossip.
XOX
TBS
When I’m not thinking about food or napping, I’m thinking about how I’m going to die. Morbid, indeed. But it beats subway staring contests. And on this note, I’ve decided to share with you lovely TBS readers my list of what I consider to be the most embarrassing places to die, with input from my lovely co-workers. Sit back, crack open a can of fresca, and enjoy.
Location: Next to a McDonalds drive-thru window at 3 a.m.
Rationale: First, you were probably so drunk you tried to walk through a drive-thru. Second, picture for one second what your obituary notice will read. “Blair was a spirited and friendly girl who enjoyed binge eating. She died doing what she loved most – dipping a French fry into a strawberry shake.”
Location: The fitting room of an embarrassing clothing store like Stitches or Bluenotes or Jean Machine or Urban Planet (which I kind of like, actually, but still).
Rationale: Can you imagine? Like if this were some sort of hostage-taking situation I’d beg the guy with the gun to drag my lifeless body across the hall to H&M. At least it would be a step up.
Location: The bathroom of a Burger King on a Saturday night.
Rationale: You’re in the bathroom of a Burger King on a Saturday night. Did I really need to explain this one?
Location: A 24 –hour grocery store or convenience store, with a box of tampons and carton of ice cream in your basket.
Rationale: Nothing screams bloated single girl like tampons and ice cream. Then again, I wouldn’t mind attending a funeral catered by 7-11.
Location: On the toilet. In the bathroom of an all-you-can-eat buffet restaurant.
Rationale: The sheer selection of possible causes of death multiplies exponentially when a buffet is involved.
Location: At the circus, moments after having your picture taken next to a tiger.
Rationale: Ask Roy. Actually, ask Siegfried because I think Roy may not be talking yet. Plus everyone would obsess over that last photo of you, wondering if you saw it coming.
Location: Church.
Rationale: Unless you were praying for death, it’s just too ironic. But I guess it saves everyone the hassle of attending a separate funeral service later on.
Location: In the chair of the Wal Mart hair salon.
Rationale: Dude, even Supercuts would be less embarrassing.
Location: Murdered while waiting in line for breakfast at McDonalds.
Rationale: The last thought that would pass through your mind would be “Fuck. I can’t believe this. All I wanted was a fucking egg Mc’Muffin.”
Location: During your own born-again Baptism.
Rationale: Obvious.
Location: Sitting in the audience of a child’s beauty pageant.
Rationale: May as well slap a pedophile sticker to your coffin.
Location: Strip club.
Rationale: Your last memory will be of shelling out $20 for a lap dance from a bleached blonde named Candy who had cankles and caesarean scars.
Location: Ball pit full of children
Rationale: The coroner will be removing balls from your throat for about an hour. Kids are amazing that way.
Location: Any TGIFriday’s restaurant in Manhattan.
Rationale: Take my word for it.
Location: The parking lot of Chuck E Cheese’s. On your lunch break.
Rationale: Their mozzarella sticks weren’t
worth it.
XOXO
Blair
Good day friends,
I'm sitting in my dark and cool basement apartment, nursing what I can only assume is a bout of bubonic plague. All I can keep down is Sunny D and sour candy. True story. Ugh. So sick. Also, I'm nursing a broken heart over Jon and Kate. Really, I am. I mean, Kate's a total cuntbasket and all but I really thought those two would make it work. She was nice once and I believed she could be nice again! Really, she was! There’s video to prove it! And I feel so sad for the kids. Actually, I feel sad for Alexis. She's my favourite.
Moving on.
Saturday we headed to the Reverb where Calgary-based The Dudes were playing as part of NxNE. First I should say this: I have this thing. An issue. A foible if you will. I can’t stand listening to bands whose songs I’ve never heard. It makes me itchy and bitchy. I’ll always go out to support a friend’s band, of course, but I’m not big on random gigs. So prior to NxNE I did my research (thanks MySpace) and I was fairly certain that I would like The Dudes. As it turned out – I LOVED THE DUDES. They are one of those bands that I left a show thinking “How are they not one of the biggest bands in the country right now?” This thinking then morphed into a silent rage over how Nickelback gets radio play. But that’s a story for a different time. Seriously, I could listen to the Dudes all day.
Who are The Dudes? We’ve got: Dan Vacon on vocals, Scott Ross on drums, Bob Quaschnick on guitar and Brady Kirchner on bass. Props to Dan who played with a broken collarbone, arm in a sling. Apparently he’d been puking all day. Poor kid. But had he not mentioned it I never would’ve known he wasn’t playing at 100%.
The Dudes played an amazing set. Tons of energy, catchy good old fashioned rock tunes and great stage presence. I couldn’t help but dance, they were THAT GOOD. Everyone I chatted with after their set had the same reaction. And when us TBS gals left the bar a bit later (ok, like waaaaaaaay later – like 3 a.m.) The Dudes were happily signing autographs.
Their third album, Blood Guts Bruises Cuts, was released June 2, 2009, via LOADmusic/EMI. I have no doubt that this is the album that will catapult them into national fame. They’ve already been named Calgary’s favourite band of 2006, 2007 and 2008 by Fast Forward Weekly. And you may recognize their song ‘Dropkick Queen of the Weekend’ from a Rogers mp3 phone commercial.”
The Sounds Like on their MySpace says: The album you should have put on for your all night kegger bbq party.
Well, as girls who have all night kegger bbq parties on an almost weekly basis, I can say this: agreed.
Link to MySpace: http://www.myspace.com/wearethedudes
XOXO
Blair
It’s true folks. Jon and Kate Gosselin have filed for divorce. They’ve been separated for a while and announced on last nights show that they are moving forward with a divorce. Jon and Kate will switch into the house when it’s their time with the children, so the children don’t have to move houses. It was so sad watching the show, having been an avid fan since its start. With that said, I can see that this is needed. Kate is far too high strung, a bitch most days – towards jon, and needs to RELAX. Jon has no freedom to say or do anything.
I hope it’s not a bitter battle that would be heartbreaking.
Big hugs to the little Gosselin’s.
XO
M
OK so I know we're in the middle of NXNE in good ol' Tarana BUT I have to post this blog on the film The Proposal staring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. First off, I have to say that I heart Sandra Bullock (she won my heart in Speed) and Ryan Reynolds (he won my heart in that TV show Two Guys A Girl and a Pizza Place), so I was very excited to see these two meet in film. They totally made this movie. Honestly, I never stopped laughing. I was actually laughing out loud! Props to the old guy behind to the left and the old lady to the right that wouldn't stop laughing with their hyena laughs. Actually, the old dude was laughing at parts that weren't even funny?!
Moving on. The movie is about this demanding boss Margaret Tate who works at a Publishing House in New York City (Sandra Bullock) who demands her assistant Andrew Paxton (Ryan Reynolds) to marry her in order for her to stay in the country to work. Don't want to give much away, but this is a great date movie romantic comedy movie for some time. I will say that I now want to visit Alaska where the film is set.
When this movie began it was like I was watching my regular morning at work I. My typical morning is waiting for the scary biach boss to come in. If we realize she's parking or walking in the door I usually instant message her assistant telling her the witch is in. We actually have a saying...Is it a LDD (low dose day) or HDD (high dose day)...We're talking about her menopause dosage. Ha. You'll get it when you see it.
Anywho back to the movie. It was surprisingly funny, and Sandra and Ryan have this amazing chemistry. Adding to the great cast are Mary Steenburgen and Craig T. Nelson (Coach!) who play Andrew's parents along with the wonderful Betty White who plays Andrew's Nana. The movie was awesome right up until the end. Not that the ending was bad or anything. I actually don't know how it ends because my lovely friend and I got kicked out of a press screening in the theatre by some pimple face teeny bopper who saw a beer can! Yes it was my fault because I'm apparently "a girl" and don't know the rules to drinking in public. But come on people! We weren't causing a ruckus, we were minding our own business and you really had to do it at the end of the movie?!
Folks...BOYCOTTING SILVERCITY YONGE AND EGLINGTON who's in. Not that I'd ever go there cause well it's far and uptown, but yeah. Douchebags! Dear Dave, the meat head manager who was wearing a blue tooth headset because he's that important? Who told us that he's not against drinking, and actually didn't really care to kick us out, but we had to go to please the pimple face. To make the matter even funnier my friend was holding a can of beer in a bag as it spilled down his pants. The pimple face kid was like "yeah it's spilling down your pant" so he wiped if off and we walked out STILL HOLDING THE BEER! Losers! Honestly, Dave I know you did it for the keener pimple face kid who probably has at least one wet dream a night and ejaculates early and will never get laid because we put a sex curse on you when we left. Yep. Sorry bud, but you're not getting any. Just give up.
That said. I totally recommend seeing The Proposal. Just make sure to not see it at the Silvercity Yonge and Eglington. Too cool for skool are you? Whatever, I don't work at the movie theatre. Wow the power you have. Banning us for 24hours from your movie theatre. Must have made your day did we? Well I'm glad. Ahhhhhhh the little things. And I'm not talking about your penis.
xoxoxox.
Kelly.
:)
From time to time we post actual email conversations that us TBS gals partake in on a daily basis. Thought I would share one from this morning. And yes, we ARE this crazy.
Blair: As you can tell, I wasn't murdered on my way home last night. That said, I got onto a bus with the world's loudest Spanish people who proceeded to SCREAM Spanish love songs until Bloor Street. Urge to kill was high. Then they all got off but one guy who then decided he was god's gift and that he HAD to slime all over some innocent girl just trying to get home (not me, thank god). The last thing I heard was the girl saying "Can you please just leave me alone?!". So she might be dead. Anyways, how are your mornings?
Ang: Will I have to tackle Chuck Bass [from the show Gossip Girl -real name Ed Westwick - heading to Toronto on Sunday for the MMVAs} and lock Vanessa (Jessica Szohr - Ed's co-star and real life girlfriend] in a U-Haul truck on its way to Antarctica? I mean, I'll do it, but there’s gotta be an easier way!
Blair: Yes, yes you will have to tackle. Alternate plan: can you say 'fake pregnancy' Just sayin: You + Ed Westwick + Roofies = a plan.
Ang: Can you say 'real pregnancy' caused by roofies?
Blair
The TBS gals hit the town last night to catch some NxNE fun-ness. We congregated at Yonge-Dundas Square to catch The Black Lips performance (prior to them, the stage was host to Burning Brides and Canadian hottie Melissa Auf Der Maur). Nice weather + great music + Mill St. Brew Pub beer tent (serving my very fave Wit beer) = good times.
Then it was off to Sneaky Dees to catch These Are Powers and Japanther. Loved These Are Powers! Super energetic and in the genre of M.I.A. and Santigold. And Japanther was amazing (as long as you weren't pummelled in the mosh pit that formed early in the set!). A special shoutout to the lovely folks in Modernboys Moderngirls. We heart you! Sorry we couldn't stick around for your whole set but we were done like dinner, my friends.
On deck tonight? Perhaps Hunter Valentine at the Bovine Sex Club, Clothes Make the Man at The Hideout, Darlings of Chelsea at the El Mocambo and a little 3 a.m. Beauties at The Dakota to end the night? We'll see. First up for this TBS gal is the Pride Week Launch party at Woody's. I anticipate hot men in tiny shorts!
XOXO
Blair
Photos: 1) Japanther 2) We Are Powers
Is Darlings of Chelsea
ChartAttack agrees with me.
Check out the article here http://www.chartattack.com/news/71162/darlings-of-chelsea-honour-classic-rawk
Much love to the Darlings and any of y’all that make it out to one of their TWO showcases this weekend.
Friday - 2 AM Elmo Upstairs
Saturday - 1 AM Bovine
XO
M
that's right kittens, as in the handsome Aaron Rose.
ok, so he was in like four episodes of the show but still..he was on GOSSIP GIRL. you're like instantly golden if you're like even a breather on the show..or something.
the dreamboat was spotted walking around the Annex area, which would totes make sense as the Scott Pilgrim movie is filming around here.
ya know, the one with Michael Cera and everyone else cool...which also happens to star US of Tara's Brie Larson (omg. best show ever and she's so freaking awesome in it)...who happens to be John Patrick's real-life gf. true story.
if he was walking with Chuck Bass, i would have lost my sh*t.
