20 posts tagged “celebrities”
Yes kiddies, it's true.
Kevin Jonas got married this past weekend to some girl i've never heard of who USED to be a hairdresser and is now a professional groupie, i mean trophy wife, i mean...?
They married in a fairytale themed wedding - not a cool one like Ashlee and Pete - but a cliche one. It was all snow and crystals and at a CASTLE in front of 400 of their closest friends. BARF.
Don't get me wrong, i don't begrudge them happiness - i just think that at 22 and 23 years old, you're a tad young to be settling down and getting married. Especially when you're a massive teen superstar and are constantly on tour - i mean how much can they really have learned about each other in the 7 and half minutes of free time he's had in the past 2 years they've been 'dating'?
So i wish them well with a side of caution...
Congratulations to the happy(read: probably pregnant) couple!
~M
If I had a nickel for every time I said “Well, that was less embarrassing than I thought it would be” or “..and no one got arrested!” or “Those jeans are so tight I can see your vagina” I’d have $3.45. Back in October of 2008, I preemptively apologized to the employees of Scotiabank Theatre for my crazy in relation to the first of the Twilight movies, based on the popular/cringe-worthy young adult series by Stephanie Meyer. At the time, I was pooping myself (and I don’t mean figuratively) with excitement over the release of Twilight. Because I thought/hoped/prayed it would be good. I needed it to be good. The people at Summit who made the trailer led me to believe it would be good. I now refer to those people as Master Bamboozlers and Grand Marshals of Emotional Fuckery.
As It turned out, we were running a little late so none of my predicted pre-movie crazy occurred. I hunkered down in my seat, in a warm cocoon of bourbon, movie nachos and a homemade Twilight-themed poncho.
I’m joking of course..about the bourbon. It was scotch. C’mon people, give me a little credit! This was the movies, not my niece’s baptism for pete’s sake!
The opening credits rolled. I held my breath in anticipation. Then I passed out a little. Then I regained consciousness, burped up my garlic pan bread from Jack Astor’s, and prepared myself for what was surely to be the BEST.MOVIE.EVER.
Then this happened. Oh, it was bad. So, so bad. And not in the ‘so bad it’s good’ way that Mandy Moore and Hilary Duff movies epitomize. It was actually bad. And unintentionally hilarious.
After seeing Twilight, I decided to read the second book in the series: New Moon. In my defense, I was pretty heavy into smack at that time, which may have led to my exceptionally poor decision making. And by smack, I’m referring of course to sour cherry blasters. Just to be clear.
After my eyes stopped bleeding from being raped by Stephanie Meyer’s horrible writing and blatant overuse of the words “sighed,” “mumbled,” and “ice-cold cock” (ok, that last one may be projecting a bit), I went into a self-imposed Twilight ban. I was done. No more Twilight-related anything for me (unless, they managed to produce Twilight-vodka or a Twilight rape whistle). Don’t get me wrong: I was hooked on the first book. It was totally readable in spite of the cheesy prose. New Moon, however, was almost unreadable.
My full-on Twi-ban lasted roughly 3 months.
One fateful night while I was in Vancouver visiting a friend, it happened. This happened. THE ENCOUNTER. I stood two feet from Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart in a restaurant. And Robert kinda talked to me, maybe? Or something? They were in town filming New Moon. So I have to see it. Because I am convinced that if Robert Pattinson looks a little less constipated this time around, it’s because he met me.
Since bonding for life with the new Moon cast (cough), I’ve prided myself on my ability to remain relatively unchanged by my encounter. I still put my leather chaps on one leg at a time like everyone else. Same old Blair. I guess if anything’s changed, it’s that I’m just a teeny, tiny bit better than everyone else. But I don’t let it effect me, because that would be straight up ignorant. And ignorant people give me the sads. Sometimes, when I get a little moist reminiscing about that night, I feel a little blue at the thought that we only had that brief time together. I placate myself with codeine and photo spreads of Robert and Kristen. Those two are in every freaking magazine. A few weeks ago the Vanity Fair cover shoot with Rob hit the stands. All the photos were leaked in advance on the inter-web (what, you call it the internet? amateur). The next day, Harper’s Bazaar leaked the photos from the Rob/Kristen cover shoot. So basically, I spent two days at work alternately gaping at the photos and drying off my underpants.
And now, it’s New Moon time.
So what will my New Moon movie experience consist of? First and foremost: nachos. I’m a nacho queen. I bathe in cheese sauce (great for the skin and, as it turns out, very helpful for removing lipstick stains from Edward Cullen action figures who look a little like Corey Feldman - just saying). There will be no cardboard cutouts. The New Moon book was the worst of the series (then again, that’s like comparing shit to diarrhea) and the film adaptation does not warrant cardboard cutouts. But by god, there will be adult diapers. And Valium. So, to the employees of Scotiabank Theatre – let’s just get through this together. With extra cheese, please.
Kisses.
XOXO
Blair
LINKS, dinks:
The ‘anticipation of Twilight movie’ post here: http://tigerbeatsocialites.vox.com/library/post/pooping-myself-for-bella-and-edward.html
Full Twilight movie review here: http://tigerbeatsocialites.vox.com/library/post/review-twilight.html
Full Twilight cast encounter in Vancouver post here: http://tigerbeatsocialites.vox.com/library/post/twilight-encounter-a-tale-of-intense-embarrassment-and-amazing-outfits.html
Ladies, your chances of meeting, dating and marrying a Followill are narrowing. The drummer from Kings of Leon, Nathan Followill married his girlfriend Jessie Baylin on Saturday evening in Brentwood, Tennessee.
Sounds like it was a lovely outdoor ceremony, lovely enough for Scarlet Johansson to show up - she went to high school with the bride... hmm. I should have definitely gone to a different high school. No one from my high school is married to anyone famous!
Boo.
Congrats to the happy couple.
xo
M
This is Tara celebrating Oktober fest, trying to blend in with the locals in Munich.... Looks like this papparazzi spotted her in the crowd of thousands wearing NORMAL CLOTHES. PS. Tara Lederhousen isn't regular attire for the german's just like men don't wear kilts to the office in Scotland....
Please stop selling her crack.
Thank you
~M
Khloe Kardashian is marrying some dude named Beau Lomar Odom -apparently he's an NBA player?
The happy couple have been dating for about a month... that's right folks. One month and they are getting married this weekend.
They are registered at Williams Sonoma. One of the items on the list is a Simplehuman fingerprint-proof butterfly trash can. I think perhaps i'll pick up that one - cause that's where their marriage will likely end up inside of a year.
But hopefully i'm wrong - but i rarely am...
PS. that trash can is worth about $180 USD. For a fucking trash can. Some people have more money than 'cents'.
~M
first Jessica Szhor.
now this:
what next? ED EFFIN' HARDY?!
you're so lucky i'm teetering on the edge of having no dignity left this week. i'll still do you.
call me.
your lawyer has my number. it's on the restraining order.
written in blood with hearts around it.
So Kendra Wilkinson, a former girlfriend of Hef, is preggers and married to Hank Baskett a football player? I dunno what he does, but I hope he’s deaf with the patience of a saint, cause she is definitely not from around here if you catch what I’m saying…..
The Girls threw her a baby shower yesterday and I don’t even care what else she got as gifts – it doesn’t matter because she got a HUGE jar of MASSIVE pickles. I want. You can keep your Gucci baby Pram and your Tiffany’s rattle and whatever else celebs are into for babies – I don’t even know. I want that jar of pickles! I haven’t had a good pickle since I moved to London. I did get an insider tip from a friend who said I need to buy gherkins. They are close but I can only find them in baby cheese and pickle tray size. I miss Bicks. I also miss the Caesars from Pickle Barrel. There’s no such thing as a Caeser here… When I come home next summer I want a pickle and Caesar waiting for me at the airport. No joke.
-M
My dearest lovelies – the Richie-Madden’s, had a baby boy born very early this morn. Sparrow James Midnight Madden weighs 7lbs 14 oz, and both mamma and baby are doing well!
Big congratulations to the Richie-Madden’s on their darling new addition, can’t wait to see pictures!
XO
M
I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with that show. It’s terrible. It’s so beyond the realm of anything plausible; but at the same time it’s soooo darn good. Some of the dead pan lines that Anna Paquin delivers , as Sookie Stackhouse, just proves that she is still deserving of that Oscar she won way back when she was a fetus.
If you haven’t watched it, I’m going to recommend that you do. The third season finishes up next week, and I’m just DYING to see that episode!! Start with Season 1, one episode and you’ll be hooked – you may want to start it on a Saturday afternoon when you have no plans , because guaranteed that you’ll want to watch a whole season from start to finish in one go. Have snacks and caffeine on hand – you’ll need them.
As a cure for my withdrawal symptoms on Monday morning, I googled the show and looked at some reputable gossip sites to see what I could learn.
Here’s what I got… Sookie and Bill are dating in real life. They’re actually engaged, and I have a funny feeling that this marriage may make it past the 5 year mark. They live a pretty quiet bi-continental life ( LA vs London). I approve.
ALSO the Queen is dating Eric in real life!!! The queen is played by the beautiful Evan Rachel Wood and Eric is played by some Viking looking blondy that I don’t recognize outside of this show. I’ll put money on this relationship not lasting the one year mark. Ms. Wood just seems to date people for show or conveience. Remember when she was dating her former on screen brother Shane West… he’s out, Eric’s in – why cause the ‘dating her brother’ thing is so last month. Or her ‘relationship’ with Marilyn Manson? And the did she or didn’t she kiss Mickey Rourke (yuck!) Now it’s easier to date Eric.
That is all my lovelies.
Eagerly awaiting the season finale.
M
This is a conversation I presume took place today around the craft services tent on the set of the new 90210, between Shenae Grimes (who plays Annie Wilson) and Jessica Stroup (who plays Erin Silver aka “Silver”).
Shenae Grimes: Hey fat bitch.
Jessica Stroup: Hey fatter bitch (vomits her morning non-fat latte into a nearby trash can).
SG: Well played.
JS: Thanks. I’m down to 85 pounds now. Your breath is awful.
SG: I know! It’s all the vomiting! And I stopped brushing my teeth a month ago. Too many calories in toothpaste.
JS: Preaching to the choir. (Starts jumping up and down).
SG: What are you doing?
JS: Burning off my toothpaste calories from this morning.
SG: Good idea. I feel sooooo fat today. I ran on the treadmill this morning for like an hour and I had my mouth open the whole time. I ingested waaaaaay too much air. I can barely zip up my size 0 True Religions.
JS: I stopped breathing the day I was cast.
SG: I have so much to learn from you. (Reaches out to tap on Jessica’s ribs – loud knocking sound is heard). You sound great, by the way.
JS: I know! It’s the onset of osteoporosis. (Runs her fingers through her hair, and a clump falls out). Down to 84.
SG: Fuck. You’re bringing you’re A-game bitch. (Lights a cigarette).
JS: Please. Smoking? How 5th grade. It’s all about the meth, baby. Kills the appetite and gives you that really coveted ‘meth face’ that makes all the bones stick out. (Turns to the side).
SG: Hey, where’s you go?
JS: (Turns back to face Shenae).
SG: There you are! You scared me! I almost slipped into a subway grate the other day. Thank god I was carrying a big purse.
JS: Well…salad for lunch?
SG: Totes! You want me to get you a Diet Coke?
JS and SG: (Load plates with lettuce leaves).
JS: You wanna eat together?
SG: Sure.
JS and SG: (Throw plates of salad into the garbage).
SG: That was fun!
JS: Same time tomorrow?
SG: Yeah. See you later. Time for my colonic.
XOXO
Blair
