11 posts tagged “robert pattinson”

If I had a nickel for every time I said “Well, that was less embarrassing than I thought it would be” or “..and no one got arrested!” or “Those jeans are so tight I can see your vagina” I’d have $3.45. Back in October of 2008, I preemptively apologized to the employees of Scotiabank Theatre for my crazy in relation to the first of the Twilight movies, based on the popular/cringe-worthy young adult series by Stephanie Meyer. At the time, I was pooping myself (and I don’t mean figuratively) with excitement over the release of Twilight. Because I thought/hoped/prayed it would be good. I needed it to be good. The people at Summit who made the trailer led me to believe it would be good. I now refer to those people as Master Bamboozlers and Grand Marshals of Emotional Fuckery.

As It turned out, we were running a little late so none of my predicted pre-movie crazy occurred. I hunkered down in my seat, in a warm cocoon of bourbon, movie nachos and a homemade Twilight-themed poncho.

I’m joking of course..about the bourbon. It was scotch. C’mon people, give me a little credit! This was the movies, not my niece’s baptism for pete’s sake!

The opening credits rolled. I held my breath in anticipation. Then I passed out a little. Then I regained consciousness, burped up my garlic pan bread from Jack Astor’s, and prepared myself for what was surely to be the BEST.MOVIE.EVER.

Then this happened. Oh, it was bad. So, so bad. And not in the ‘so bad it’s good’ way that Mandy Moore and Hilary Duff movies epitomize. It was actually bad. And unintentionally hilarious.

After seeing Twilight, I decided to read the second book in the series: New Moon. In my defense, I was pretty heavy into smack at that time, which may have led to my exceptionally poor decision making. And by smack, I’m referring of course to sour cherry blasters. Just to be clear.

After my eyes stopped bleeding from being raped by Stephanie Meyer’s horrible writing and blatant overuse of the words “sighed,” “mumbled,” and “ice-cold cock” (ok, that last one may be projecting a bit), I went into a self-imposed Twilight ban. I was done. No more Twilight-related anything for me (unless, they managed to produce Twilight-vodka or a Twilight rape whistle). Don’t get me wrong: I was hooked on the first book. It was totally readable in spite of the cheesy prose. New Moon, however, was almost unreadable.

My full-on Twi-ban lasted roughly 3 months.

One fateful night while I was in Vancouver visiting a friend, it happened. This happened. THE ENCOUNTER. I stood two feet from Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart in a restaurant. And Robert kinda talked to me, maybe? Or something? They were in town filming New Moon. So I have to see it. Because I am convinced that if Robert Pattinson looks a little less constipated this time around, it’s because he met me.

Since bonding for life with the new Moon cast (cough), I’ve prided myself on my ability to remain relatively unchanged by my encounter. I still put my leather chaps on one leg at a time like everyone else. Same old Blair. I guess if anything’s changed, it’s that I’m just a teeny, tiny bit better than everyone else. But I don’t let it effect me, because that would be straight up ignorant. And ignorant people give me the sads. Sometimes, when I get a little moist reminiscing about that night, I feel a little blue at the thought that we only had that brief time together. I placate myself with codeine and photo spreads of Robert and Kristen. Those two are in every freaking magazine. A few weeks ago the Vanity Fair cover shoot with Rob hit the stands. All the photos were leaked in advance on the inter-web (what, you call it the internet? amateur). The next day, Harper’s Bazaar leaked the photos from the Rob/Kristen cover shoot. So basically, I spent two days at work alternately gaping at the photos and drying off my underpants.

And now, it’s New Moon time.

So what will my New Moon movie experience consist of? First and foremost: nachos. I’m a nacho queen. I bathe in cheese sauce (great for the skin and, as it turns out, very helpful for removing lipstick stains from Edward Cullen action figures who look a little like Corey Feldman - just saying). There will be no cardboard cutouts. The New Moon book was the worst of the series (then again, that’s like comparing shit to diarrhea) and the film adaptation does not warrant cardboard cutouts. But by god, there will be adult diapers. And Valium. So, to the employees of Scotiabank Theatre – let’s just get through this together. With extra cheese, please.

Kisses.

XOXO

Blair

 

LINKS, dinks: 

The ‘anticipation of Twilight movie’ post here: http://tigerbeatsocialites.vox.com/library/post/pooping-myself-for-bella-and-edward.html

Full Twilight movie review here: http://tigerbeatsocialites.vox.com/library/post/review-twilight.html  

Full Twilight cast encounter in Vancouver post here: http://tigerbeatsocialites.vox.com/library/post/twilight-encounter-a-tale-of-intense-embarrassment-and-amazing-outfits.html

So M and I hit up Vancouver for a short vaca last week over Easter Weekend.

Yeah, don’t be hatin’ on us. We just be awesome like that.

M’s sister moved to Vancouver to work awhile back and since I’d never seen the West Coast I thought I’d tag along with M when she decided it was time for another visit. We arrived alive and on time and buckled up for fun. I brought my best outfits (20% borrowed from Ang and Kelly!). Vancouver is super pretty. Amazing scenery, nice people, great food.

This story is about our second night in Vancouver, when we met up with some friends who had a packed schedule of revenge dates planned. Friend ‘J” needed to get her fave pair of earrings back from a bartender at a bar* in Yaletown, whom she briefly dated. Following that, other friend ‘A’ had a revenge date planned at a club*. As I had just met ‘J’ and ‘A’ at dinner earlier that night in WestVan (they’re friends of M’s sister), I had no idea what to expect from the night scene-wise, but I was fancy dressed and ready for anything. “We looked hot” would be the main theme of this paragraph.

So me, M and M’s sis go to meet up with “J” and “A” at what I had assumed (based on the name) was a bar, but which turned out to be a restaurant. We walk in, all air kisses and hellos (and that’s without pre-drinking, believe it or not). I dramatically whip off my coat to reveal my supercute dress (thanks Ang!) and mid-twirl (yes, I twirl) I catch sight of a stunningly beautiful boy standing about 3 feet away from me.

And then everything went very, very quiet.

Except for the screaming in my head.

As I (prefer to) remember it, I calmly walked over to M and quietly announced (shrieked?) that Robert Pattinson was at the bar. Like, right next to us. Like, spitting distance. M would likely interject that nothing I did in the following 20 minutes was in any way subtle, cool, or anything to be proud of. Because, um, I kind of SHUT DOWN. Like, I forgot how to breathe. And I vaguely recall getting right in M's face and whispering "I can't deal with this" over and over??!!

I’m ashamed of my reaction for a few reasons. Let’s list them here:

1) He’s just a person, really. Actor or no actor (he just happens to be a very, very, very beautiful person - like, it hurts he's so pretty). I shouldn't have been so affected.

2) Twilight was a crap movie. But he is a super talented piano and guitar player, which elevates him in my books.

3) I don’t get starstruck. Brad Pitt could waltz in front of me and I wouldn’t so much as blink. Hand to god. Wouldn’t care. Would I think it was kinda cooll? Sure. Would I care/freak? Not so much.

4) I don’t crush on celebs. Like, ever. In fact, I proudly bypassed the entire Leonardo DiCaprio craze that afflicted my friends through most of middle school and high school. Water off my back. No biggie. Not my shtick.

But Robert? Oh, Robert. You do things to me. I quiver.

I eat celeb blogs for breakfast, so I was aware that the second installment of the Twilight movie franchise (New Moon) was filming in Vancouver. But I truly didn’t expect we’d randomly run into the cast, and I certainly wasn't going to try and coerce M and her sis to spend the weekend lurking around hotels and bars in the hopes of running into them. So imagine my shock at seeing them in a random restaurant! Makes me kinda laugh to think of all the twi-hards coming from all around the world to hunt them down! All that work, all that effort. All we had to do was walk into a seafood restaurant and ta da!!!

When I was able to take a closer look without being too obvious (again, a likely fail, but my faux memories serve to protect my fragile ego), I realized that also in Robert’s man crew was Jackson Rathborne (who plays Jasper in the Twilight movies), and Rob’s best friend Sam (didn’t know who he was at the time but since then I have seen some pics of the two posted on PerezHilton.com and I made the connection.). They were also hanging with a guy who appeared to be crew. +++Update - there's a possibility that I'm confusing Jackson and Sam. I can't quite remember if it was both of them or only one of them and all I can remember for sure is the curly hair (which they both have).

So what can I tell you about Rob at this point in the night? Um, he looked exactly like I would’ve thought (See picture. Pretty sure this is his ‘uniform’). Black jeans, black sneaks, gray t-shirt, a flannel shirt on top of that, and a black jacket. He was wearing a black hat/tuque thing. He’s photographed wearing it a lot. That’s how I recognized him, actually –

the hat. Funny enough, ‘A’ and ‘J’ had been sitting right next to him and his crew for like 45 minutes and hadn’t noticed. I filled them in. Also, I’ve been reading on various celeb gossip sites that he smells. I didn’t notice any smell. Maybe he had just showered? Kristen Stewart smelled. More on that later, but suffice it to say this crew are may-jah chainsmokers. Oh, and he's tall. Not ginormous, but not short either. I'd say 5'10 or taller.

 

So during this time, I’m seriously trying to not shake. Again, another fail. Because I can’t ignore the fact that he’s right there. Looking all sexy and drunk. Sweet fancy Moses that boy wears the hell out of a pair of pants. When I got my pint of beer from the bartender I had to take it with two hands because my hands were shaking. I thought no one noticed. According to M, it was fairly (ok really, really) obvious. But in my defense, I am mostly proud of how I acted at this time. I didn’t go fangirl crazy and interrupt him and his buds. I didn’t try and snap his picture (which I kinda regret now, but honestly it’s just not my style, and ‘A’ and I were working on a ‘let’s-become-besties-with-them-and-hang-out-all-night’ plan that I perceived would be foiled by a picture request). The man group seemed to be having a chill time. They were doing shots and drinking Coronas. I was trying to be all ‘whatever’ about the whole thing, but, according to M, was completely foiled by the presence of a massive fucking mirror above the bar that I hadn’t noticed. So yeah, apparently, they noticed us, noticing them. I’m telling myself that they thought it was cute. Snort.

 A few minutes later Kristen Stewart and Nikki Reed saunter in. Now, I truly almost lost it. I have a serious, serious girlcrush on Kristen Stewart. To me, she has the most perfect face, and I love her style. And she can actually act. Unfortunately, she smelled. I found myself back to back with her and she smelled like she’d been locked in a damp room smoking cigarettes for 2 days. She was wearing cool glasses, a hoodie (hood up the ENTIRE time) and skinny jeans with hightop sneakers. She's totes gorgeous though, even with dirty hair. Nikki Reed is also stunning, and as a random note when she was on her way out a short while later, she was extremely gracious to a random fan who spotted her while walking by. The fan bolted up to Nikki and introduced herself and Nikki replied "I'm Nikki. Nice to meet you." She was wearing a hat with a pompom on top, skinny jeans and the ugliest black boots ever - but carrying an amazing purse that I covet. I think it was Prada.

The group of them hung for a bit, chatting amongst themselves. I’ll interject here that the main reason why I didn’t approach any of the actors is because they really didn’t seem like they wanted to talk to ANYONE. I mean, ‘A’ is gorgeous and the boys truly didn’t give her the business at all. I kind of tried to hold her out as bait to them, but they weren’t biting. Weird. I’ve heard they’re super tight and also very leery of fans, and I can’t blame them. Mentally patting myself on the back for leaving them alone. They were dancing about a bit, more bopping to the music in the restaurant, as we were. At that point I was torn between chatting them up (since our two groups were standing side-by-side) and getting the hell out. I chose get the hell out. Also, I had noticed the crew kid with them was heading out for a smoke, and I needed to borrow a lighter. (Save the finger wagging for another time – I only smoke on vacation and occasionally on weekends, ok?). So I get outside and get a light and short kid kinda looks like he wants to chat but then Kristen walks out and lights up and they start talking. That’s when I noticed a group of like 7 older men/women milling in front of the restaurant smoking. Apparently, they were crew too. Like all of them had been hanging out for dinner that night or something. Kinda cute, right? So they all mill together to the left, and I distance myself as much as possible to the right, without actually walking into the street. There’s another random girl smoking near me.

Then everything got quiet again.

Because Robert walked outside. And. Spoke.To.Me.

Sorta.

Let me explain.

Pretty sure he was hammered. Pretty sure I was so nervous that he was standing next to me again that I avoided eye contact. He sorta gestured to me and random girl and said in the most perfect accent ever: “So, smoking alone, then?

Time stopped. Angels sang. I could hear pudding. I was at one with the universe.

And now my friends, is when I Carried A Watermelon. Remember that scene in Dirty Dancing where Baby finds herself face-to-face with Johnny, the subject of her desire, at a staff-only sweaty dance party? And Johnny turns to his friend who brought her along and asks why he brought Baby with him. And Baby answers: “I carried a watermelon”. And it’s cringe-worthy and embarrassing but also heart-warming and adorable?

Well, that was me. Minus the heart-warming and adorable part.

My answer, to Rob’s question (which may or not have been directed at me, random girl, or a combination thereof) was: “My friends don’t smoke.”

Yup.

Brilliant, right? Like, amazing. Articulate, witty, really showed off the coolness within me? Kill me now.

And that was it.

He said ‘cool,’ or something?. He smoked with his crew buddies. They all left for 'home' in a big group. And took my dignity with them.

So next time you do something embarrassing in front of a beautiful boy, just have a little internal monologue with yourself as follows: “Ok, so that was bad. But not as bad as that time Blair met Robert Pattinson and carried a watermelon.”

You’re welcome.

XOXO
Blair

*A note on Vancouver nightlife, if I may. In Vancouver, there aren’t many ‘clubs’ per say like we have in Toronto (which works for me because I hate clubs and won’t set foot in one, for fear of catching something). After my brief visit to Vancouver I realized that there are some significant differences between how Vancouver and Toronto classify ‘clubs’, ‘lounges’, and ‘bars’. The nightlife conversion from Vancouver to Toronto is approximately as follows:

 

o       What Vancouver calls a club, Toronto calls a fancy bar with a dance floor/more of a lounge.

o       What Vancouver calls a lounge, Toronto calls a bar (but not the bars that us TBS gals chill at – more the type of bar where mostly wealthy Persians hang out. Little dancing, less fun.)

o       A bar in Vancouver is more equivalent to a restaurant in Toronto, albeit a restaurant with a quasi-separate bar. Like a Jack Astor’s or a Montana’s or The Keg.

We did end up that night at an amazing bar called Section 3 that I would go back to in a second. Beautiful people, reasonably-priced drinks, comfy booths. Loved it. Perhaps on my next trip….. I miss you Vancouver!

On Laineygossip.com today re: Twilight crew/cast currently filming in Vancouver:

As for what the Twilight kids were up to this weekend: on Friday several of them went out for dinner – cast and crew – in Yaletown including Kristen (Stewart), Nikki (Reed), Jackson (Rathborne), and Robert (Pattinson).

Um yeah, we know. We were there (see below). As for the rumours that Nikki and Robert are hooking up big time, who knows. I didn't notice them talking at the bar/restaurant, but then again I was just trying not to vomit/run over to Kristen and lick her neck. She looked kinda gross anyways. Which should have turned me off more than it actually did. Oh and she was wearing glasses. I'm a sucker for a slightly dirty actress with glasses. So to sum up, I'm kind of gay for Kristen Stewart. I know she's a bitch but I would give my life savings for her to blow cigarette smoke in my face. And on Friday my wish would've been granted had I moved 3 feet to the left. God = 1, Blair = 0

XOXO

Blair

When me and M randomly bumped into the cast of Twilight while on vaca in Vancouver? And then my hottie mc'celeb crush Rob Pattinson kinda talked to me/some random other chick for like 3 seconds but I SHUT DOWN/SPUTTERED SOMETHING INCOHERENT because I'm that much of a loser? I certainly do. Full story to come soon.
Still cringing.
XOXO
Blair

yeah, that's right. he was spotted by Miranda and Blair, currently on vacation in Vancouver.

I got the following text:

"Remember that time Blair and I were at (insert name of bar here) with the cast of Twilight? We do. It's RIGHT NOW!!!'

...

Now I would totally disclose the name of the bar, but the text was sent about 14 hours ago...and I haven't heard back since... So when the police call me up about the whereabouts of Robert Pattinson on suspicion he got kidnapped by a bunch of crazed socialites... I know absolutely nothing...

If anyone can pass up a buck or two for bail-out money, please feel free! I would totally bail them out. TOTALLY. But I just spent the whole day blowing half a year of rent on my gorgeous Philip Lim frocks.

word of advice ladies:
if you have the option between jail time or a restraining order, take the latter. you can always invest in a really good wig and it sure beats rotting away for 3-5 years in minimum security with Muffin, a Vancouver prositute and a 500lb man named Jim Bob.

...at least that's what my parole officer keeps telling me.

 

kiss kiss,

ang

 

 

So on a whim today Miranda ('M) decided it was right time to visit her sister out in Vancouver. Upon hearing the news, I decided to invite myself along for the trip, given that my recent Paris in May plans went by the wayside due to my travel buddy's recent layoff (motherfucking economy). So basically, when I woke up this morning I was thinking McDonalds and Shawarma sandwiches, and a few hours later I was planning a Vancouver trip over Easter. All in all, I'd say it was a good day. And I did indeed eat shawarma. In light of all this, I thought I would share the email convo between M and myself shortly after we decided both of us would be flying West for Easter:

Me: Remember this morning? We were talking about McDonalds. And now we're going to Vancouver for Easter? Who.Do.We.Think.We.Are? Really.

M: We are exactly who we KNOW we are. Those girls to go to Tokyo on a whim and Vancouver for a weekend. WE'RE THOSE GIRLS!!! But with less money and healthier hair.

For realsies.
XOXO
Blair

P.S. Rumour has it Robert Pattinson will be back in Vancouver shooting New Moon by then. Shiloh help him if he should run into me. I screech like a howler monkey around the very attractive/sexily pale. True story.

mommy likes.

in unrelated news, zac efron inches closer to suicide with each passing day. the jealousy consumes him. and he's running dangerously low on self tanner and lip gloss.

xoxo

blair

 

 

 

 

 

Amazing. Spectacular. Oscar-worthy. Brilliant.
None of these words will ever be used to describe the shiteous mess that is Twilight.
Jesus H. Macy and William H. Christ this was one terrible movie. And I wanted it to be good. I wanted it more the Lindsay Lohan wants to actually be attracted to chicks. How did I miss reading any review that mentioned that Twilight is unintentionally the comedy smash hit of the season? Evidently my rage blackouts have escalated to the point where I no longer have any sense of what’s going on in the world.
GAH! So bad.
Within the first 15 minutes we were laughing so hard, I forget I was watching a movie that is supposed to be serious and heart-wrenching. It was excruciating and embarrassing. Angela laughed so much she started crying and (thankfully) suffered from temporary blindness due to the tears. At first I felt guilty, thinking my snickering-turned giggling-turned all out goose honking laugh was bothering fellow audience members. But as it turned out, the rest of the audience was not blind/deaf/headless, and by the end the whole lot of us were like a family united in laughing at the crap on toast that Twilight delivered. We bonded.
I kept waiting for it to, like, you know, get good. But it didn't. Even the low-key scenes were excruciating and seriously I may have cracked a rib from the laughing.
On a positive note, Robert Pattinson (as Edward Cullen - teenage vampire extraordinaire) and Kristen Stewart (as Bella Swan – average teen in love with a sexy vampire whose accent changed 3 separate time during the film) do the best they can with the material they were given. They are both huge talents, and I don't think their careers will suffer much as a result of this movie. Side note: kudos to the marketing GENIUSES at Summit who made the trailer for this movie look phenom, given that the production values are in fact more along the line with something one's drunk and pervy uncle videotaped at a wedding.
And here I would like to take a minute to describe the WORST scene in the history of film (and I've seen the Spice Girls movie as well as The Talented Mr. Ripley, yet believe me when I say that Twilight was the worst). So in the books, vampires can go out in sunlight (doesn't fry them to a crisp or anything) but the effect is..radiant. Sparkly. The scene in the movie where Edward reveals his sparkle to Bella is a PSA for adult diapers. KILLED MYSELF. The entire theatre was roaring with laughter. So bad. So, so bad. He looks like he was sparkling himself up for a gay pride parade.
And now, to the makeup. Dear Twilight executives: FIRE YOUR MAKEUP ARTIST. Jesus. Terrible. And what's with casting a bunch of naturally dark-haired people and then bleaching their hair blonde? Nikki Reed (from Thirteen) plays vampire Rosaline, who is described in the book as very blonde. Nikki Reed, however, is a Latina fantastica. The overall effect is more mental patient than vampire beauty. In the books, the Cullen vampire clan are described as being shockingly attractive. Obviously, the casting execs skimmed over this part of the book. Because other than Nikki Reed the rest of the teen camps are disgustingtons.

There’s a scene in the movie where Edward plays Bella the lullaby he’s written for her. Mmm…cute boy playing piano. So I thought, pretty hard scene to fuck up right? Wrong. What is described in the book as a powerful and emotional private moment where Edward reveals his love via song instead looks like a cheesy Meatloaf-inspired 80s music video complete with a smoke machine and spinny camera work. Overall, the special effects in this film were seemingly orchestrated by a 49 year old meth addict named Roy who has a severe hand twitch and a pretty serious spiderman obsession.
And now to (my boyfriend) Robert Pattinson. Robert is so beautiful it’s almost painful. Like gorgeous. And that hair! That hair should win an Oscar. He also looks amazing in clothes. In our post-movie debrief (at a bar, natch) Angela was preoccupied with trying to determine how this movie cost so much to make, given the stanky production values and budget cast. Well, it would appear the money went into Rob’s ‘Edward’ wardrobe. This boy wears the hell out of a pair of jeans. And in a cotton t-shirt? I creamed. So hot, despite spending half the movie looking like he's been shot in the foot, is in severe pain, and is simply trying to walk it off. My favourite Edward scene is the one that takes place when Edward and Bella go public with their relationship during a sexy strut from the parking lot to the Forks High School doors (Go Spartans!). Yummers. Kristen Stewart is beautiful. Perfect for the role. Gorgeous without being intimidating. Kinda girl next door and tomboyish which works really well for Bella. Her skin is perfection. I officially have a new girl crush (step aside, Rachel McAdams).
Another great scene is the climax (ha) of the movie – the first Bella/Edward kiss. Oh it’s good. It made the rest of the movie bearable. 14 year old girls across the country will be losing their virginity en masse after watching that scene. Best.Kiss.Ever.

I wish I had nicer things to say about the supporting case, but I don’t. The Emmett character is apparently unable to be in a car without sticking his head out the window like some sort of dog. And the sideways baseball caps and ghetto white boy wardrobe is brutal. Jasper looks like he’s shitting himself in every scene. Props to the writer on only giving him two lines.

The character of James (badass vampire with a ponytail who’s big into human hunting) is played by Cam Gigandet. He does a decent job. Maybe a little overkill on the head cocking and deep inhaling whenever he gets close to Bella. I should take this moment to say that if you haven’t read the book you would have NO FUCKING CLUE what was happening in the movie. I read the book and I had NO FUCKING CLUE was was happening in the movie.

About ¾ of the way through the mental lobotomy, I turned to Angela and whispered (ok shouted): “They knew it was bad. When they were making it. They knew, right? How could they not know. They must have known.” Then I spent the rest of the movie trying to catch a glimpse into the eyes of the actors to see if there was any indication that behind their perfectly coiffed hair and black eyeliner-rimmed eyes they were silently screaming for help and also for forgiveness.

Mercifully, after 2 painful hours it ended. And even the ending was sucky and cheesy. And the way things are left, it wouldn’t make sense unless there was a sequel. So there’s going to be a sequel. Shudder.

And now if you’ll excuse me, ever since Edward said to Bella that she was his exact brand of heroin, I’ve had a real hankering for the stuff. Off to self-medicate!

XOXO

Blair

It sings.
My Robert Pattinson sings.
He sings on the Twilight soundtrack.
It pleases me.
Check it out here (the first 1:15 of it is just intro, but worth the wait).

Robert Pattinson. Not with this hair.

Check it. As your secret girlfriend I just feel like it's my duty to say something. Robert, sweetheart, what happened here? You're at a movie premiere, not sitting on my couch watching Gilmore Girls (yes, I would presume that my secret boyfriend is a fan). Let's clean up this mess prior to the Twilight premier on November 21st, shall we? Love you lots.

Your girlfriend,

Blair

XOXO